


Perfectly Imperfect

by Seraph_Novak



Series: Tyrus One-Shots [53]
Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Arguing, Boyfriends, M/M, Making Up, One Shot, Pining, Self-Doubt, Tyrus - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 15:12:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19466590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seraph_Novak/pseuds/Seraph_Novak
Summary: Fic request ~ When Cyrus makes a mistake that jeopardises his relationship with TJ, he starts to doubt whether he's actually a good boyfriend, let alone a good person.





	Perfectly Imperfect

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! I'm really not proud of this piece, unfortunately... My writer's block has been a nightmare recently, and everything I write seems to suck. But this was requested by a friend, so I didn't want to keep them waiting forever! Plus, the whole message of this fic is supposed to be about perfection being impossible, so yeah... I guess I should take my own advice and stop beating myself up. Anyway, I hope you still enjoy the read!
> 
> As always, all comments and kudos are very much appreciated ♥
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://seraph-novak.tumblr.com)

“You’re doing it again,” Cyrus said, biting back a smile as he added yet another book to the precarious pile in TJ’s outstretched arms. It was a Friday afternoon, and his boyfriend always insisted on helping him clear out his locker at the end of the week, no matter how many dusty textbooks and wrinkled sheathes of paper Cyrus had stashed away.

TJ peered around the books with a roguishly innocent grin. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“The look,” Cyrus clarified, giving TJ a playful tap on the nose. “The sappy, googly-eyed look that always makes me wanna stop whatever I’m doing and kiss you.”

“Oh, yeah?” TJ took a step towards him, his eyes twinkling as he brushed the back of Cyrus’ hand with his little finger. “This look?”

“Stop it!” Cyrus laughed. “You’re gonna drop the books.”

“That’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

“If you drop my Economics homework, you’ll be sacrificing a boyfriend as well.”

TJ grinned even brighter than before. Whenever Cyrus cracked a joke, he was always the first one to laugh or smile, and it never failed to make Cyrus feel all warm and gooey inside. Just one look at those dimples, and he was a goner.

“Please,” he said, aiming for one of Andi’s infamous pouts as he stared at TJ with wide, imploring eyes. “Just help me with these books, and I’ll give you a kiss.”

“That’s emotional bribery, you know?”

“Do you want a kiss or not?”

TJ scoffed. “Have you even met me, Underdog? Keep the books coming.”

With a fond roll of his eyes, Cyrus continued dropping books onto the ever-growing pile in TJ’s arms, thanking his boyfriend with the occasional kiss on the cheek, until his locker was blessedly empty. By the time he’d finally finished, it was only him and TJ left standing in the corridor, which meant they could kiss in relative privacy.

“There you go,” Cyrus said, patting TJ on the cheek as he pulled away from his softly-puckered lips. “My debt to you is paid.”

“Not so fast.” TJ shifted the books into one arm and looped the other around Cyrus’ waist, pulling him forward with a dazzling smile as he peppered his face with more kisses.

“Teej!” Cyrus cried, gasping for breath between fits of uncontrollable laughter. “Stop! I’m ticklish!”

TJ chuckled against his cheek. “I know.”

It was only when a falling book struck Cyrus on the head that TJ finally released him, his face creased with concern as he massaged the small, red bump with the pad of his thumb. The rest of the books were forgotten on the floor, and all Cyrus could do was stand there, his lips twitching with a smile as TJ fussed over the barely-visible welt on his forehead.

“I’m so sorry,” TJ said for the dozenth time, gently cupping Cyrus’ face in his hands. “Does it hurt?”

Cyrus huffed a laugh. “You’re such a dork.”

“It was a heavy book!”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” He kissed the inside of TJ’s palm. “It’s just a scratch.”

TJ blew out a sigh of relief, a loose strand of hair flopping over his eyes. “At least let me make it up to you,” he murmured softly. “How about a movie night? Your choice.”

“Really?”

“Sure.”

Cyrus folded his arms with the quirk of an eyebrow. “You mean, we don’t have to watch one of those scary slasher films you seem to love so much?”

“Only because they give me an excuse to hold your hand!”

“You don’t need an excuse to do that,” Cyrus said, pointedly threading their fingers together. “We’re dating, TJ. Or did you forget?”

TJ shrugged, a light blush blooming across his cheeks. “Sometimes it feels too good to be true.”

“I get what you mean.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.” Cyrus pressed a soft, lingering kiss to the tip of TJ’s nose, then gave his hand a quick squeeze. He could feel TJ’s pulse fluttering against his wrist. “But it is true. You and me. Even if it feels like a dream sometimes.”

TJ visibly relaxed, his shoulders slumping with relief. “So… Is that a yes to the movie night?”

“Of course it is.”

“Great.” TJ grinned, bending down to scoop the discarded books back into his arms. “Do you wanna walk straight to your house then? We can buy snacks on the way.”

Cyrus stilled. “Oh. I, um… I thought we were going to your house?”

“We always go to my house.”

“Exactly.”

“I just thought it would be nice for a change,” TJ said. His tone had shifted slightly, wavering on the edge of frustration as he picked at the tattered edge of one of Cyrus’ textbooks. “I mean, we’ve been dating for almost three months, and you’ve never invited me over. I haven’t even met your parents yet!”

At the mention of his parents, Cyrus winced. It was subtle, but TJ picked up on it immediately, his expression hardening as realisation slowly dawned on his face.

“Wait,” he said. “They do know we’re dating, right?”

Cyrus swallowed thickly.

“You’ve told them, haven’t you?”

“I…”

“Oh my god.” TJ took a step back, desperately blinking back startled tears. The look in his eyes was an agonising mix of betrayal and disbelief, and Cyrus could already feel a sob building in his chest.

“TJ, wait –”

“Are you ashamed of me?”

“No!”

“Then why?” he asked, his voice cracking. “They already know you’re gay. And everyone else knows we’re together, so… Why are your parents not allowed to know?”

Cyrus sniffed. “It’s complicated, okay?”

“How?”

“I…”

“No, c’mon. Explain it to me, Cy. I wanna know.”

“It’s hard to explain!”

“At least _try_.”

“I can’t!” he exclaimed, the empty corridor elevating his trembling voice to an echoey shout instead. He licked his lips, his heart pounding frantically against his ribcage, and lowered his voice. “I just… I don’t wanna hurt your feelings, okay?”

TJ huffed. “Well. Mission _not_ accomplished.”

“Teej –”

“Don’t call me that,” he growled, shoving the pile of books into Cyrus’ arms. A few sheets of paper (probably his Economics homework, knowing his luck) fluttered to the ground, and TJ didn’t spare them a single glance as he shouldered past Cyrus and headed down the corridor.

“Wait!” Cyrus cried after him. “Please, TJ! We can’t leave things like this. I –” He stopped, the words catching in the back of his throat as fresh tears spilled down his cheeks. “I love you, TJ… Please don’t go.”

TJ froze, his shoulders hunching at Cyrus’ words. They’d already used the L-word plenty of times, but never like this; never when it brought more pain than joy.

“Don’t,” he whispered, his back still turned to Cyrus. “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t be ashamed of our relationship.”

“TJ –”

“I won’t be your dirty little secret, okay?”

“You’re not!”

“Well, it kinda feels like it.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It doesn’t matter.” TJ threw a glance over his shoulder, his face ruddy and streaked with tears. Even from this distance, Cyrus could see his chin wobbling. “I need some time to think.”

“About what?”

“Stuff.”

Cyrus flinched. He didn’t like the sound of that at all.

“Just… Don’t call me, okay?”

“But –”

“I need some space, Cy.”

There was a softness to his voice now, an ounce of pleading that cut right through his chest and strangled his heart in its cold, suffocating grip. In all their time of knowing each other, Cyrus had never heard TJ sound so broken before. Up until now, he hadn’t considered there could be anything more painful than being hurt and let down by someone you care about. But this? Being the one inflicting that same pain onto the person you love? This was definitely worse.

“I’m sorry,” he tried again, his heart throbbing at the uselessness of those words.

TJ nodded. “I know you are, Cyrus. I just don’t think I’m ready to forgive you just yet.”

And with that, he turned and walked away, leaving Cyrus with a teetering pile of books and an ugly storm of pain and self-disgust looming over his head, soaking him to the bone with stinging lashes of devastation. 

Perhaps he wasn’t the heaven-send his friends and family thought he was, after all.

~~~~~

Three days, and still no word from TJ. He hadn’t even seen him at school today. The weekend had come and gone, and Cyrus had had to suffer through six hours of lessons, and one agonising hour of lunch, without so much as a glimpse of his boyfriend. It was verging on unbearable. And to make things worse, he’d promised TJ he wouldn’t try calling or texting him, so all he could do was stare obsessively at his phone and wait for TJ to reach out to him.

“You’re worse than Amber with that thing,” Andi said, rousing him out of his trance. There was a touch of humour in her tone, but Cyrus could see the pity in her eyes.

“I’m waiting for TJ to text me,” he said.

Buffy and Andi exchanged a worried look. The three of them were supposed to be working on their homework in Andi Shack, like they usually did on a Monday afternoon, but Cyrus had hardly looked up from his phone since they’d arrived.

“Is everything okay?” Buffy asked.

Cyrus exhaled a shaky breath. “No, not really. I messed everything up.”

“What happened?”

“TJ found out my parents don’t know we’re dating.” He tore his eyes away from his phone, risking a guilty glance at his friends. They didn’t seem too appalled by his confession, so he kept going. “He wanted to watch a movie at my house on Friday. That’s what brought it all up.”

Andi frowned. “I didn’t know you hadn’t told your parents about you and TJ.”

“I’m going to tell them!” he insisted. “I just… After the whole incident with Reed, they weren’t exactly TJ’s number one fans.” He shrugged. “I guess I just wanted to let them cool off for a bit.”

“But that was almost a year ago,” Andi pointed out. “I’m sure they’d be okay with him now.”

“I don’t know…”

“What about Todd and Sharon?” Buffy asked. “Do they know?”

“Not yet.”

“And TJ’s parents?”

Cyrus ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. “Yeah, they know. TJ told them straight away.”

“Oh.”

“You think I’m being a jerk, don’t you?”

Buffy grabbed his hand. “Of course not! You have every right to be wary of telling them.”

“But TJ also has a right to be upset,” Andi said, returning Buffy’s responding glare with a pointed look of her own. She reached out and took Cyrus’ other hand. “All I’m saying is, it can’t be easy for TJ. He probably thinks you’re ashamed of him or something.”

Cyrus closed his eyes. “Yeah. That’s what he said.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Nothing.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow. “You just let him walk away?”

“I didn’t know what to say!” He wriggled his hands out of their grip and got to his feet, anxiously pacing back and forth in the small, enclosed space. A dangling dreamcatcher knocked him on the forehead, ripping a soft sob from his lips. “How was I supposed to tell him by parents don’t trust him? It would break his heart.”

“Is that what this is really about?”

Cyrus turned to Andi, his stomach lurching at the gentle, knowing expression she was wearing. “What do you mean?”

“Well, your parents are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Your step-parents, too. So I find it kinda hard to believe they wouldn’t forgive TJ for something he did a long time ago.” She tilted her head to the side, her shoulders lifted with a silent question. “Maybe this is more about _you_ than you’re letting on.”

“I’m not ashamed of him.”

“I’m not saying you are.” She inched across the room to stand next to him, carefully touching his arm with her fingertips. “But I know how much you love your parents, Cy. You’re always trying to make them proud.” She waited for Cyrus to meet her eyes. “Maybe a part of you is afraid of what they might think? Maybe you’re scared they won’t like the fact that you’ve changed.”

Cyrus blinked at her. “You think I’ve changed?”

“Since meeting TJ? Yeah, I do.” She smiled. “But in a good way.”

“How?”

“You’re more confident,” Buffy said, joining them in the middle of Andi Shack with a roll of her eyes. She clearly didn’t enjoy giving TJ credit for anything, but at least she was trying. “He brings out the fun in you, inspires you to try new things.”

Andi’s smile turned soft. “He believes in you. And I think you believe in yourself a little bit more, too.”

“You’re not as careful,” Buffy said, effectively summing up what they were both trying to say. “But that isn’t always a bad thing. And I think your parents will understand that.”

Cyrus clenched his fists, his nails biting into his palms. “But I’ve always been the perfect son! I’m not supposed to…”

“Make mistakes?”

“Yeah,” he said, then more firmly: “But TJ’s not a mistake.”

Andi squeezed his arm. “We know that, Cy.”

“I just… I didn’t know how my parents would react. Or how they’d look at me.” He swallowed roughly, a stray tear slipping down his cheek. “I thought they’d be disappointed.” He shook his head. “How could I be so selfish?”

“You’re not selfish,” Buffy told him. “You were just scared. And maybe a little bit confused.”

Andi nodded. “If you explain that to TJ, I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“Well, he should,” Buffy teased. “You’ve forgiven him enough times in the past. I think it’s probably time he returns the favour.”

Cyrus wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve, grimacing at the slimy trail it left across his arm. “Do you really think he’d understand?”

“If you tell him the truth, then yeah.”

“But… I’ve been such an idiot.”

“That isn’t unforgivable,” Buffy said, playfully bumping their shoulders together.

Cyrus sighed. “You didn’t see the look on his face.”

“TJ is stupidly in love with you,” Andi assured him with a smile. “I don’t think he’s capable of staying mad at you for too long. Especially if you give him a proper explanation.”

“You really think that will work?”

“I do.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

Buffy placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You’re not gonna lose him,” she said, giving voice to his biggest fear. “Like Andi said, he’s in love with you. One tiny mistake isn’t gonna change that. Okay?”

Cyrus sucked in a breath. “Yeah. Okay.”

“So… What are you gonna do?”

“Well, first thing’s first.” He grabbed his jacket and ducked through the doorway, turning back to Andi and Buffy with a trembling smile as a cool, evening breeze washed over him. “I need to have a word with my parents.”

~~~~~

After what felt like an eternity of knocking, TJ finally opened the door, his freshly-washed hair falling in damp waves across his forehead. He was wearing baggy sweatpants and a faded T-shirt, and Cyrus had never wanted to kiss him more badly before in his life.

“Hey,” he said, sounding breathless despite being stood in the same spot for the past fifteen minutes.

TJ tightened his grip on the door handle. “What are you doing here, Cy?”

“I know you said you needed some space, but –”

“You just decided to completely ignore that and come here anyway?”

Cyrus froze, the words dying on his tongue. It was only when TJ started to close the door in his face that he snapped back out of it, catching the door with the edge of his foot and blurting out the words without a second thought.

“I told my parents we’re dating!”

A medley of emotions flitted across TJ’s face in the blink of an eye: shock, confusion, suspicion, hope… And just as fast, he shook them all off, fixing Cyrus with an insufferably blank expression as he ushered him inside.

“You’ve got five minutes,” he mumbled.

It was a small victory, but Cyrus clung onto it like a lifeboat, half-stumbling across the threshold and into the familiar warmth of TJ’s house. He hadn’t seen any cars in the driveway, and he couldn’t hear the usual hum of music drifting from Amber’s bedroom, so he assumed it was just the two of them. Which was probably for the best.

“Can we sit?” he asked, anxiously twisting his hands in the sleeves of his jacket.

TJ led him into the lounge without saying a world, silently taking a seat on the very edge of the couch – as far away from Cyrus as possible – and waiting for him to start explaining.

“I talked to Buffy and Andi,” he began, not wanting to skimp out on any details. “They talked some sense into me, helped me realise a few things…” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, his whole body sinking into the back of the couch. “They helped me understand why I was so afraid to tell my parents.”

“And?”

“You were right. Well, partly. I’ve never been ashamed of you, TJ. Not for one second.” He bit his lip and sighed. “But I’ve always had an unhealthy urge to please people. Not sure if you’ve noticed.”

TJ smiled faintly. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”

“Right. Well, with my _parents_ , it’s even worse.”

“How do you mean?”

“They think I’m the perfect son,” he said, a lifetime’s worth of stifled pain and frustration leeching into his words. “I get good grades, hang out with the right crowd, don’t get into trouble…”

TJ scoffed, but it wasn’t unkind. “Do they realise you went to jail a few months ago?”

“I played it down,” he admitted. “Told them it was all a big misunderstanding. They bought it without question.”

“Really?”

“Like I said… They think I’m perfect.”

Something softened in TJ’s eyes. He shifted across the couch, their knees barely grazing, and looked at Cyrus closely. There was a flicker of guilt beneath his cold exterior, now, and Cyrus hated himself for it. He hadn’t wanted to make TJ feel even worse about himself.

“They knew about the gun,” TJ whispered, as if the subject needed to be handled with a certain amount of delicacy. “I remember you telling me that.”

Cyrus nodded grimly. “They thought you were a bad influence.”

“Makes sense.”

“TJ…”

“No, it does. I can’t blame them for hating me.”

“They don’t hate you,” Cyrus insisted. “They don’t even know you. Which is _my_ fault.”

“You don’t want them to be disappointed in you,” TJ said, his voice strained with held-back tears. “I get it. I’m not exactly ‘perfect boyfriend’ material, right? I put you in danger, for a start. They’re never gonna approve of me.”

Cyrus gave his arm a shake. “Don’t you get it, Teej? You’re not the one in the wrong here. _I_ am.” He closed his eyes, internally kicking himself for making TJ feel bad about himself, yet again. How could he be such a selfish idiot?

“My parents are amazing,” he continued. “And kind. And understanding. And I know, if I explained the situation to them, they’d forgive you. I _know_ they would.”

TJ frowned. “Then, why –”

“Because I have a problem, okay? If my parents think I’m anything less than perfect, then I’ve failed. And that includes perfect relationships.” He slid his hand down TJ’s arm, gingerly threading their fingers together. “I love you so much, Teej. And I know you love me too. But to say we had a rocky start is a bit of an understatement, don’t you think?”

“So what?” TJ squeezed his hand. “Your parents are divorced, Cy. I’m sure they realise that relationships are never perfect.”

Cyrus huffed a wet laugh. “It’s not about them. Not really.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s me… How I see myself, it’s…” He took a shuddering breath and collapsed against TJ’s side. “I’m sick.”

“What? Babe, no. You are _not_ sick, okay?” TJ pulled him closer, his arm an iron vice around his waist. Cyrus buried his nose in the stretched fabric of TJ’s shirt, breathing in the warm, boyish scent as TJ carded gentle fingers through his hair. “Everyone has their own stuff, Cy. You taught me that, remember? You said there was nothing wrong with me. Just like there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“I _lied_ to you.”

“Well, I’m not exactly a saint, either.”

“At least you’ve always been honest.”

TJ chuckled. “What about hiding how insanely in love with you I am for over a year? Doesn’t that count?”

“You know what I mean…”

“Look.” TJ pulled away, just enough so Cyrus could see his face. His eyes were hard, but his voice was soft, carefully chipping away at the slowly-rising wall of self-disgust building around Cyrus’ mind. TJ’s hand was a steady weight on his shoulder, keeping him from going under completely. “What you did… It hurt me, okay? There’s no point pretending it didn’t. But this isn’t about your parents, Cy. It’s about you and me.”

Cyrus sniffed. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not upset about your parents not trusting me. They have every right not to, after what I did.”

“Teej…”

“No, it’s okay. You said they’ll forgive me, right?”

“Of course they will.”

“Good.” TJ breathed deeply through his nose, his fingers twitching against Cyrus’ shoulder. He tried to smile, but it fell flat, looking more like a grimace than anything else. “If you’d told me you wanted to wait awhile before telling them, I would’ve understood. That’s the reason I’m upset, Cy. The fact that you kept it from me.”

Cyrus flinched. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know you are.”

“I should’ve told you sooner, I just… I couldn’t… I…”

“You didn’t wanna hurt my feelings?” TJ lifted an eyebrow, the hint of a smirk playing on his lips. “That’s what you said the other day, right?”

Cyrus leaned his forehead against TJ’s chest and groaned softly. “I guess I really messed that up, huh?”

“Kind of, yeah.”

“I’m such an idiot…”

“Hey.” TJ tilted his head to the side, meeting Cyrus’ eyes on a lop-sided angle. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

Cyrus managed a smile. “How are you so great?”

“I think it’s got something to do with my amazing boyfriend,” TJ teased, a familiar sparkle in his eyes as he lifted Cyrus’ chin and kissed him on the cheek. “You see, he’s kind, and funny, and absolutely adorable… And he’s brave enough to admit when he’s wrong and apologise.”

At the word ‘wrong’, Cyrus winced, mentally curling into a ball as the wall in his mind grew taller and taller, blocking out the sunshine spilling from TJ’s smile and shrouding him in darkness. He kept picturing the hurt in his boyfriend’s eyes when he’d told him the truth, the rare tears gliding down his cheeks, where his dimples usually sprouted like flowers. _He’d_ been the one to do that, to make TJ cry and feel bad about himself for the first time in months. _He’d_ been the one to throw a wrench in their relationship. How could he honestly call himself a good boyfriend – let alone a good person – after causing TJ so much pain? He felt like a fraud.

As if sensing his agitation, TJ cupped his face in his hands and gently guided his eyes up to meet his own. “Hey, hey, hey… What’s wrong, Cy? Talk to me.”

“I… I don’t…” Cyrus swallowed desperately, his throat growing tight as his vision blurred with tears. “I don’t think I’m a good person, TJ. I-I’m not… I’m not the perfect son, or the perfect friend, or the perfect _anything_.”

“No one is perfect, Cyrus. _No one_.”

“But that’s what everyone expects me to be!”

“No.” TJ swept his thumbs across Cyrus’ cheekbones, wiping the smudge of tears away from his stinging eyes. “Your friends and your family love you for _you_ , okay? _I_ love you for you.”

“But… I messed up… I hurt you, TJ… I made a stupid mistake…”

“A mistake! That’s all it was.”

“But –”

“You’re perfect the way you are. Mistakes and all. I wouldn’t change a damn thing about you.” TJ gave him a half-smile, a touch of laughter colouring his tone. “You’re perfectly imperfect.”

Cyrus frowned. “Did you steal that from a cheesy love song?”

“Probably.”

“Well, it’s dumb.”

“Why?”

“You’re either perfect, or you’re not. There’s no in between.”

“Perfection doesn’t exist,” TJ said. “And if it did, it would be boring.”

Cyrus shook his head. “I don’t know about that…”

“People are meant to make mistakes, Cy. It’s how they grow. It’s _human nature_.” He pressed a hand over Cyrus’ heart, drumming his fingers softly against his chest. “All that matters is that you’re good. Which you _are_ … You’re the best person I’ve ever known.”

“You really mean that?”

“100%.”

Cyrus sighed. “You’re too good for me.”

“No, I’m not.” TJ grabbed his hands and lifted them to his mouth, dropping a kiss to each knuckle until Cyrus’ fingers were trembling with affection. “And I’m gonna prove it to you. If you’ll let me.”

“Okay,” Cyrus whispered, managing a shaky nod as TJ pulled him back against his chest. “I’m rooting for you.”

TJ chuckled. “Well, thanks.”

They stayed like that for a long time, simply basking in the warmth of unconditional love thrumming between them. Even when Amber came home an hour later, tossing her bag onto the couch and asking them to get a room, they kept holding onto each other, an unspoken promise forged into the touch of their palms.

“My parents wanna meet you,” Cyrus said after a while, propping his chin on TJ’s chest to peer up at him. “I mean, if you want to…”

TJ gave him a sleepy grin and held him closer. “I’m there.” 


End file.
